Bad Body Image

Do you think anyone is happy at what they see when they look in the mirror? Not talking about your face scars, mismatched eyes, and unkept hair. They make lasers, contact lenses and personal stylists to help with those problems. I'm talking about what you see when your shirt is off, or when you're completely naked. Gross!

I've never had a problem with my weight, or so I thought. I've always said that my recent commitment to fitness was all about feeling better, not looking better. That's bullshit. We are all our own worst critic, but unfortunately we are also our own worst enemy when trying to solve the battle with flab (real or imagined)

First I want to talk about why you think you're fat... even if you're not. Mirrors aside, which can bend light in odd ways to make you look fatter or skinnier than you are, there is a fundamental problem with the way we look at ourselves. And that problem is that our heads are placed at the top of our bodies, and when you look down at that Double IPA spare tire, you're seeing it from an angle no other human being experiences when looking at you. It's a skewed perspective... and it's never pretty. Even if you're under 10% body fat, looking down your torso to examine what you have sitting at your waist, every ripple of the skin, or moldable fat pocket looks bigger and uglier than it actually is.

So where to go to get an honest assessment? Your partner won't tell you the truth... unless they're cold and heartless. Plastic Surgeons will give you more truth than you can handle. They get paid by the procedure people... sounds like a conflict of interest. BMI (body mass index) can be a good rule of thumb but is woefully inaccurate. See the article about how Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is technically obese according to BMI.

My solution: have an annoying younger sibling. They are never afraid to tell you how fat and old you've become. Believe me, I have two and they don't pull punches. So if you get into shape and even they are forced to say a kind word like: "Damn, I'm used to you carrying a totally different kind of six pack," you've pretty much won. So let yourself off the hook.

If you don't happen to have a younger sibling and the folks aren't rocking the bed enough these day to make one, consult your doctor. Get a yearly physical and trust the numbers to tell you how out of shape you are. Also request a body fat analysis in addition to the normal blood work and routine tests. We should be more concerned with how we feel than how we look. But until you figure out how to do that, hit the gym and do all those exercises that you really hate doing. Get really good at them and you'll notice the differences in how you feel and look. Fuck side planks... but they work!

Keep Tweets on Twitter

Sometimes it's hard to tell what you've missed. What I mean is, every once in a while media outlets  subtly sneak a feature into the news and we as viewers fail to realize the complete ridiculousness of it until it occupies the space on all media outlets everywhere. From the headline, I'm sure you can guess I'm talking about twitter.

Let's be clear, I have no issue with twitter. In fact, when used correctly it can be a powerful tool to mobilize protests,  links fans with their favorite shows, and be down right hilarious. (I'm talking about you @seinfeldtoday)

But where twitter annoys the living hell out of me is when half-brained new producers think it's a good idea to showcase people's twitter feeds as part of the news. That might sound harmless enough, but think for a moment: why the hell should you care what random people around the world think of today's current events. Do these people has some special insight into the story you're watching? Do they have some expertise they can add that will put a very complex social issue into an easy understand perspective. No. They do not. Most of the time these tweets have all the intelligence of someone sneezing into their sleeve... only to realize they aren't wearing a shirt and now have an upper arm covered in snot.

Guess was: I don't give a damn what @iJaYDoT thinks of Ireland voting to legalize same sex marriage. So don't put his opinion up on my TV, call it news, then complain that you don't have time to cover other meaningful stories.

And I also don't care what celebrities have to say either. If I'm watching a story about ISIS taking up new positions to cut off the Iraqi army, I don't care if the Kardashians thought it was heartbreaking. They have the right to tweet about it. Have an opinion about it. I just don't think it deserves 30 seconds of news coverage.

And I know I like to beat up on sports journalists, but ESPN is the worst at this. I love how they use social media to find the best plays from the most obscure sports all around the world. It's the type of stuff we would have never been able to see just a few years ago. But I really don't give a crap what every sports fan on earth thought of that impossible buzzer beater Stephen Curry hit to send the game into overtime. Especially when most of the tweets featured on the show say things as smart as: sweeeeet! I also don't care what athletes in one sport, think about achievements of athletes in another sport. So Lebron thought Messi's goal was awesome. Good for him. If I follow Lebron I saw that tweet. If not... I don't give a shit. Keep it off my TV.

It's time we take back our airtime. Tell your local news outlet that you don't think your neighbors tweets belong on the air. Or, just tweet them. Hey... they might even put your tweet up during the 6pm broadcast!!

News Flash: Most New News is No News - Who Knew?

It's been seven years since I last put fingers to keyboard in the service of this blog. Seven years later and the list of What They Miss is staggering. Instead of reporting on real issues and events that matter to people's actual lives, the headlines that dominate most news outlets are a combination of corporate opinions masquerading as relevant news stories, fear mongering, folks using anecdotal evidence to confirm their political position, and utter nonsense.

I want to focus on the utter nonsense, and there's no better place to start with utter nonsense than sports "journalism." Yes, those are air quotes around the word journalism because this is an entire industry that thinks reporting on men getting paid millions of dollars to play games that kids play for free, is every bit as important as social unrest in Baltimore, rising sea levels in Miami, and the disappearing water in California. For the record, I've been a sports fan ever since I popped out of the womb wearing green and gold,  so I like knowing what's going on. I just don't think these games are a life and death struggle that should require reporters like Stephen A. Smith to over accentuate every syllable to highlight their importance. The Clippers choked. Sad day for real and bandwagon fans alike. They'll put the basketballs on the shelf for a while and try again next year. Life goes on.

Speaking of balls, and utter nonsense: Deflategate. Everyone's talking about it so I wanted to make sure to touch on it and ask: Why is everyone talking about this? As a well seasoned Patriot Hater, I can honestly say that this is the dumbest story that has ever received mass media attention. No need to consult former quarterbacks for expert opinions. No need for reporters to stand outside Gillette stadium. It's not a story. It's nothing. And the fact a google search for it yields over 10 million search results makes my head spin. How many interesting sports stories are we missing out on because of the minute by minute updates about the air in Tom Brady's balls? To him they felt right... so he played with them. And won with them. The sore the losers can suck them. Next Story please.

Norton Virus

Does anyone on earth rely on Norton Anti-virus to keep their PC safe? I hope not. Unless the virus you have is the internet. My Norton anti-virus program that came standard with my Windows XP home edition did a great job of that. So well in fact, that I had to call my ISP and spend two days trouble shooting before they told me I should uninstall Norton and... WOW, problem solved.

Oh, if the virus is your email it will protect you from that too. In fact it'll make sure you can't sign in to any website that requires a sign in and password. It'll protect you from getting on AIM, paying your bills, and even blogging.

Not since jezzball has a standard computer component been so useless. But at least jezzball actually did what it was intended to do. I wonder how long Norton, as a company, would last if they sold their product independently in stores, instead of forcing it into our operating systems through a long term contract with Microsoft. I think it's time for Microsoft to dump Norton. And while they're at it, they could teach my operating system to not screw every site on the internet without a condom. And is it possible to get herpes from my keyboard?