I understand the concept of marriage. I understand the promise that is made. I understand the legally binding contract that is signed and I understand why most people feel the need to sooner or later get married. Marriage symbolizes commitment to your significant other. It says that you are committed to the person you are with enough for both sides of your families to gather in one place and drink too much while you exchange vows and diamond studded hardware and eat the worst, and most expensive, cake you’ve ever had.
I’m not complaining about any of that. I hope one day my family and friends can gather around and witness me “taking the plunge.” Hopefully my wedding will be more fun than most and the bridesmaids won’t be dressed like individual fruit tarts. What I don’t understand is the rule that requires marriage and child bearing to go hand in hand.
I don’t want people asking me upon the return from my honeymoon, “When are you guys going to have children and start a family?” First of all, right now at this moment I already have a family. I have a wonderful girlfriend and two dogs that behave better than most people’s children. Secondly, after letting my parents own the first 18 years of my life, I’m not really ready to give it right back to some children. Like it or not, if you have a child, your life belongs to them now and forever. I’m just starting to enjoy having my life as my own and am not looking to give it back up anytime soon. I’m not sure why we are all programmed to think that life is a bunch of points set in a series.
School – Job – Marriage – Children – Retire – Grandchildren – Die.
Is it really that appalling that I don’t ever want children? Why am I the odd one out? I’ve seen the video of childbirth and it was…memorable to say the least. But don’t call me a weirdo for not wanting to see a live performance. And yes, the “wife” agrees.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Die Sportsmanship Die!!!
In all the “Who is Better?” comparisons between the Patriots and the Colts in the preceding week to their big week 9 showdown many things were actually missed by the headline hungry media. Hard to believe when you think about the startling amount of airtime that was dedicated to this one game, but through all of the hating and hyping certain aspects of this showdown went unsaid.
Great System: Where has the great infallible Bill Belichick System gone? Where is all the talk of the system that doesn’t rely on superstars and allows the infamous coach to plug anyone into the field of play and win championships? But all the talk these days in New England is the fire power, dangerous weapons, and a record breaking season by a superstar Quarterback. So which is it? Has the Belichick system that has been regarded for so many years as masterful been selling itself short without the presence of superstar talent? Would Tom Brady agree with that statement? Or is the system simply better with better talent thrown into the mix? Either way, no one in New England is talking about the system since Moss, Welker, Stallworth and A.D. came to town.
The Difference Maker: These two teams might be some of the best teams the NFL has ever seen. Two great Quarterbacks, two great coaches, two great receiving corps, two great defenses, and two intimidating home field advantages. To me that is all common knowledge and it doesn’t take much to break down what both the Colts and the Patriots do to win football games. But in a game of powerhouse football teams it is always the small things that change the game. Forget interceptions, fumbles, big plays and great catches. Both teams will have plenty of both. The real difference maker in this game was dropped passes and penalties at key moments. Would the outcome of the game been different if Reggie Wayne doesn’t drop a deep ball after he had beaten cornerback Asante Samuel? Do the Colts score on that last drive if they don’t get a false start call and Aaron Moorehead doesn’t drop a pass for a sure first down? Can’t say. But what I can say it that was the difference of the game.
What is Sportsmanship? According to the score, New England won the biggest game of week 9. But according to the Monday headlines you might have missed that, in favor of the article claiming the Colts cheated on Sunday by pumping artificial crowd noise into the RCA dome. What kind of team complains after they won a big game? It is one thing that Eric Mangini busts Belichick in the Spygate scandal after an embarrassing loss to his mentor, but to try to add insult to injury by accusing a team you just beat of cheating seems a lot like whining. Tom Brady jawing with Colt defenders after a kneel down play to end the game also sounds a little bit like whining. Is Sportsmanship so dead that these guys can’t appreciate a good rivalry without taking every moment personally? I’m just glad Belichick isn’t coaching peewee football with his twisted sense of fair play. And can someone please tell these guys to quit whining. They won the game!
An Unspoken Quality: Tom Brady “not finding” Peyton Manning at the end of the game to shake his hand, and Bill Belichick brushing Tony Dungy aside during their handshake illustrates to me exactly what aspect of these two teams that will never be compared. Class. You can’t coach class and you can’t teach it. You can only try to hire it. A direct quote from Tony Dungy says that “We’ll win with class, and if we ever go down we’ll lose with class.” Tony stood by those words on Sunday even after seemingly handling the high powered Patriots for most of the game. Perhaps there is someone in football that still does understand the concept of Sportsmanship, and no matter what they say in the post game press conferences it is the unscripted moments that define a man. And his character.
Great System: Where has the great infallible Bill Belichick System gone? Where is all the talk of the system that doesn’t rely on superstars and allows the infamous coach to plug anyone into the field of play and win championships? But all the talk these days in New England is the fire power, dangerous weapons, and a record breaking season by a superstar Quarterback. So which is it? Has the Belichick system that has been regarded for so many years as masterful been selling itself short without the presence of superstar talent? Would Tom Brady agree with that statement? Or is the system simply better with better talent thrown into the mix? Either way, no one in New England is talking about the system since Moss, Welker, Stallworth and A.D. came to town.
The Difference Maker: These two teams might be some of the best teams the NFL has ever seen. Two great Quarterbacks, two great coaches, two great receiving corps, two great defenses, and two intimidating home field advantages. To me that is all common knowledge and it doesn’t take much to break down what both the Colts and the Patriots do to win football games. But in a game of powerhouse football teams it is always the small things that change the game. Forget interceptions, fumbles, big plays and great catches. Both teams will have plenty of both. The real difference maker in this game was dropped passes and penalties at key moments. Would the outcome of the game been different if Reggie Wayne doesn’t drop a deep ball after he had beaten cornerback Asante Samuel? Do the Colts score on that last drive if they don’t get a false start call and Aaron Moorehead doesn’t drop a pass for a sure first down? Can’t say. But what I can say it that was the difference of the game.
What is Sportsmanship? According to the score, New England won the biggest game of week 9. But according to the Monday headlines you might have missed that, in favor of the article claiming the Colts cheated on Sunday by pumping artificial crowd noise into the RCA dome. What kind of team complains after they won a big game? It is one thing that Eric Mangini busts Belichick in the Spygate scandal after an embarrassing loss to his mentor, but to try to add insult to injury by accusing a team you just beat of cheating seems a lot like whining. Tom Brady jawing with Colt defenders after a kneel down play to end the game also sounds a little bit like whining. Is Sportsmanship so dead that these guys can’t appreciate a good rivalry without taking every moment personally? I’m just glad Belichick isn’t coaching peewee football with his twisted sense of fair play. And can someone please tell these guys to quit whining. They won the game!
An Unspoken Quality: Tom Brady “not finding” Peyton Manning at the end of the game to shake his hand, and Bill Belichick brushing Tony Dungy aside during their handshake illustrates to me exactly what aspect of these two teams that will never be compared. Class. You can’t coach class and you can’t teach it. You can only try to hire it. A direct quote from Tony Dungy says that “We’ll win with class, and if we ever go down we’ll lose with class.” Tony stood by those words on Sunday even after seemingly handling the high powered Patriots for most of the game. Perhaps there is someone in football that still does understand the concept of Sportsmanship, and no matter what they say in the post game press conferences it is the unscripted moments that define a man. And his character.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Does going Hybrid save enough dollars to make sense?
After reading one propaganda article after another about the pros and cons, “conspiracy” and “reality”, and environmental impacts of Hybrid cars I only know one thing for sure. No one really cares about the environment we are supposedly saving. Each side of this Hybrid debate, are just as crazy as the other, spouting off biased propaganda and skewing facts beyond recognition.
All I really learned from the garble that is this internet debate is that I needed to think about things myself, away from the hysterically screaming masses. Instead of referring to EPA estimate mileage per gallon tests and government studies I am basing all of my assumptions on good old fashion human error or as I like to call it, Common Sense.
I currently drive a Honda civic. Not sexy but according to my local Honda salesman, who I think is a member of the communist party (I’m not judging), it is practical and economical. My friend drives a Toyota Prius, and though I know for a fact that he is a communist I will still be using this comparison for the basis of my questionably accurate assumptions. Our commutes are similar, our driving habits are similar and we both take a great deal of liberty in the manufacturers scheduled maintenance guidelines.
Hybrids are Cost Effective: The best way to combat the rising gas prices is to drive a car with better fuel economy. My Civic gets me to work and back with an average MPG ranging from 30 to 34. Being fair I used 30 MPG to figure that while I drive 15,000 miles a year it costs me $1550 to drive my car. This is only the price of fuel for the year. My friend tells me his Prius gets him an average of 46 MPG and when driving 15,000 miles a year it would cost him $1010 a year to drive his car. This is all based on a price per gallon of $3.10. According to Yahoo Cars.com the MSRP of a base model Civic is $15,010 while the base model Prius fetches a tag of $20,950, a price difference of over $5000. This means for the Prius to be cost effective you would need to drive it for more than 10 years. Personally, I haven’t had the same car for longer than 3 years in my entire life, and the fact that the Prius battery warranty runs out at 100,000 miles means that you will probably be turning in that car long before it starts paying dividends.
I love the Environment: Although I’d like to think people buy Hybrid cars because they care about the world around them…I’m just not buying it. And then to back me up a study by CNW (yes biased, bad, evil, whatever) showed that 34 percent of Hybrid owners bought their cars mainly because of what it says about them as a person. They bought it to help their self image. Me, me, me, me, me, me. I hear you saying, “That’s not a fair and unbiased survey,” as I ask, “Have you ever met a Prius owner?” If you haven’t then take the time to watch a South Park episode entitled Smug Alert. Say what you will about the show itself, but in my experience the episode paints a fairly accurate portrait of Hybrid owners in general, and I for one am perfectly comfortable making broad generalizations. If people were really that concerned with CO2 emissions there are a variety of things that can be done before we introduce an untested technology. Developing and using public transportation is one the oldest, easiest, and most cost effective ways to fight CO2 emissions caused by our daily commute, but most Americans have been unwilling or unable to take advantage of such “modern” conveniences. Outside of New York and San Francisco mass transit on a large scale really doesn’t exist in America. And if cutting CO2 emissions were actually a governmental priority why aren’t Diesel powered passenger cars more readily available? In fact, these vehicles, which have comparable or better CO2 emissions than the Toyota Prius, are actually illegal to register as a brand new vehicle in the state of California.
Where do all the batteries go? My car has one battery and small as it is, it comes with a multitude of warnings. Don’t tip, don’t spill, never break the seal, if seal is broken don’t breath fumes DANGER!! DANGER!! DANGER!! I think we can all agree that batteries, from AAA to Diehards aren’t exactly biodegradable. In the days before Hybrid cars the United States was one of the leading nations in shipping its used batteries to third world countries for “recycling.” Thousands of tons of used batteries would be sent to developing countries to leak acid into the ground. By the way when they said recycling I think they actually meant to say “indefinite storage.” As Hybrid cars get older their batteries will also need to be “recycled”, but compared to the one battery in my car, my friends Prius is powered by a battery stack consisting of 38 prismatic NiMH modules that themselves consists of six 1.2v cells. Look me in the eyes and tell me that isn’t going to have an environmental impact of some sort, especially if Hybrid model cars become even more popular. For me, right now buying a Hybrid car doesn’t seem to any of the world’s problems like everyone wants me to believe. It’s a good thing that, in this self obsessed world, no one really cares.
All I really learned from the garble that is this internet debate is that I needed to think about things myself, away from the hysterically screaming masses. Instead of referring to EPA estimate mileage per gallon tests and government studies I am basing all of my assumptions on good old fashion human error or as I like to call it, Common Sense.
I currently drive a Honda civic. Not sexy but according to my local Honda salesman, who I think is a member of the communist party (I’m not judging), it is practical and economical. My friend drives a Toyota Prius, and though I know for a fact that he is a communist I will still be using this comparison for the basis of my questionably accurate assumptions. Our commutes are similar, our driving habits are similar and we both take a great deal of liberty in the manufacturers scheduled maintenance guidelines.
Hybrids are Cost Effective: The best way to combat the rising gas prices is to drive a car with better fuel economy. My Civic gets me to work and back with an average MPG ranging from 30 to 34. Being fair I used 30 MPG to figure that while I drive 15,000 miles a year it costs me $1550 to drive my car. This is only the price of fuel for the year. My friend tells me his Prius gets him an average of 46 MPG and when driving 15,000 miles a year it would cost him $1010 a year to drive his car. This is all based on a price per gallon of $3.10. According to Yahoo Cars.com the MSRP of a base model Civic is $15,010 while the base model Prius fetches a tag of $20,950, a price difference of over $5000. This means for the Prius to be cost effective you would need to drive it for more than 10 years. Personally, I haven’t had the same car for longer than 3 years in my entire life, and the fact that the Prius battery warranty runs out at 100,000 miles means that you will probably be turning in that car long before it starts paying dividends.
I love the Environment: Although I’d like to think people buy Hybrid cars because they care about the world around them…I’m just not buying it. And then to back me up a study by CNW (yes biased, bad, evil, whatever) showed that 34 percent of Hybrid owners bought their cars mainly because of what it says about them as a person. They bought it to help their self image. Me, me, me, me, me, me. I hear you saying, “That’s not a fair and unbiased survey,” as I ask, “Have you ever met a Prius owner?” If you haven’t then take the time to watch a South Park episode entitled Smug Alert. Say what you will about the show itself, but in my experience the episode paints a fairly accurate portrait of Hybrid owners in general, and I for one am perfectly comfortable making broad generalizations. If people were really that concerned with CO2 emissions there are a variety of things that can be done before we introduce an untested technology. Developing and using public transportation is one the oldest, easiest, and most cost effective ways to fight CO2 emissions caused by our daily commute, but most Americans have been unwilling or unable to take advantage of such “modern” conveniences. Outside of New York and San Francisco mass transit on a large scale really doesn’t exist in America. And if cutting CO2 emissions were actually a governmental priority why aren’t Diesel powered passenger cars more readily available? In fact, these vehicles, which have comparable or better CO2 emissions than the Toyota Prius, are actually illegal to register as a brand new vehicle in the state of California.
Where do all the batteries go? My car has one battery and small as it is, it comes with a multitude of warnings. Don’t tip, don’t spill, never break the seal, if seal is broken don’t breath fumes DANGER!! DANGER!! DANGER!! I think we can all agree that batteries, from AAA to Diehards aren’t exactly biodegradable. In the days before Hybrid cars the United States was one of the leading nations in shipping its used batteries to third world countries for “recycling.” Thousands of tons of used batteries would be sent to developing countries to leak acid into the ground. By the way when they said recycling I think they actually meant to say “indefinite storage.” As Hybrid cars get older their batteries will also need to be “recycled”, but compared to the one battery in my car, my friends Prius is powered by a battery stack consisting of 38 prismatic NiMH modules that themselves consists of six 1.2v cells. Look me in the eyes and tell me that isn’t going to have an environmental impact of some sort, especially if Hybrid model cars become even more popular. For me, right now buying a Hybrid car doesn’t seem to any of the world’s problems like everyone wants me to believe. It’s a good thing that, in this self obsessed world, no one really cares.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Another Giant Punk
For most of my life the men in the NFL announcer’s box and overly produced Fox Gameday morning shows have always been players from far off generations, when the games were played in black and white and men were made of concrete and smelled of old spice. Recently players that I watched tear up the grid iron have made the transition from the field to the broadcaster booth. In a time when games are played in High Definition and players are actually made of signing bonus money and smell of products bearing their own name. Some have made that transition smoother than others. Some have even taken their teams into retirement with them. They defend the playing, coaching and lack of production of their former teams as they stare unrelentingly into the face of unbiased criticism and kindly refuse to partake.
Others have taken their platform behind the camera to take shots at former teams, coaches, general managers and even former teammates. Just after taking up employment as a professional teleprompter reader, Tiki Barber was given the chance to voice his opinion. When asked, by the other members of his unwatchable Sunday Night “Football Night in America” pre-game show, to share his thoughts on the Giants and more specifically Eli Manning, Tiki decided against valor and chose to trade in his old Team and quarterback for full membership in the “whoring shameless media club.” Tiki called out his former coach, their practice regiment but most notably he called out his former teammate Eli Manning, calling his leadership of the New York Football Giants laughable.
I know this is an old story being that it took place before a 2007 regular season snap, but now that the Giants sit again at 6 and 2 this season (same start as the past two seasons) it might be a good time to revisit the story and take a look at what we all missed the first time.
Everyone knows what happens next. Eli took an opportunity during a training camp interview to shoot back at Barber questioning whether or not the Pro Bowl running back ever really gave it his all during the 2006 season knowing that retirement and the sweet glow of studio lighting was awaiting him. And then the back and forth continued with Barber criticizing Eli for taking a cheap shot at him. Barber claimed that no one is ever allowed to question his “heart” as a person or a football player.
And this is where I officially get off the Tiki Barber bandwagon. I can now reveal that I don’t hold the New York Giants in the highest regards, and for years I believed the bright spot among their huddle of degenerates and mediocrity was their all pro running back. Personally I think a good portion of the Giants starting line up is, for lack of a better word, punks. Talented or not, Jeremy Shockey is a punk, Plaxico Burress is a punk, Brandon Jacobs is a punk, and the ringmaster of this circus that shows flashes of greatness and then tumbles like a rocky mountain avalanche, Tom Coughlin, is the closest thing to a punk a coach can be. Add Tiki Barber to my list of famous New York Giant punks.
Let’s re-examine the turn of events, which I have dubbed TikiGate in an attempt at sensationalistic journalism. Tiki threw the first punch, Eli fired back, then Tiki got his feelings hurt because someone questioned his “question proof heart.” Hold on for a second Mr. Barber, I think you missed something.
He didn’t call out Eli Manning with his comments. He called out Eli Manning’s leadership, and as a quarterback in the National Football League, Eli Manning’s leadership has as much or more diplomatic immunity as Tiki Barber’s heart. This aspect of the story was never really covered. Many would agree that quarterback is the most talked about, the most publicized, the most hyped and the hardest position to play, if not in all sports, at least in football. These guys face press conference after press conference that can range from a friendly roast like atmosphere to a target at a shooting range. And that is off the field. But rarely does any member of the media have the guts to ask, write, speak or print any question of a young quarterback’s leadership, especially if his last name is Manning. For me, on this occasion Mr. Barber over stepped his bounds and perhaps it took Manning leading this band of misfit punks to a 6 and 2 start to make me realize that Tiki Barber’s heart might not stand toe to toe with Manning’s leadership for 9 rounds. After all, Manning is still playing, and while heart and passion for the game don’t exactly go hand in hand, it is still a pretty close relationship. Manning’s leadership wins by TKO in the 5th round after Barber’s heart escapes to its’ backstage makeup chair.
Others have taken their platform behind the camera to take shots at former teams, coaches, general managers and even former teammates. Just after taking up employment as a professional teleprompter reader, Tiki Barber was given the chance to voice his opinion. When asked, by the other members of his unwatchable Sunday Night “Football Night in America” pre-game show, to share his thoughts on the Giants and more specifically Eli Manning, Tiki decided against valor and chose to trade in his old Team and quarterback for full membership in the “whoring shameless media club.” Tiki called out his former coach, their practice regiment but most notably he called out his former teammate Eli Manning, calling his leadership of the New York Football Giants laughable.
I know this is an old story being that it took place before a 2007 regular season snap, but now that the Giants sit again at 6 and 2 this season (same start as the past two seasons) it might be a good time to revisit the story and take a look at what we all missed the first time.
Everyone knows what happens next. Eli took an opportunity during a training camp interview to shoot back at Barber questioning whether or not the Pro Bowl running back ever really gave it his all during the 2006 season knowing that retirement and the sweet glow of studio lighting was awaiting him. And then the back and forth continued with Barber criticizing Eli for taking a cheap shot at him. Barber claimed that no one is ever allowed to question his “heart” as a person or a football player.
And this is where I officially get off the Tiki Barber bandwagon. I can now reveal that I don’t hold the New York Giants in the highest regards, and for years I believed the bright spot among their huddle of degenerates and mediocrity was their all pro running back. Personally I think a good portion of the Giants starting line up is, for lack of a better word, punks. Talented or not, Jeremy Shockey is a punk, Plaxico Burress is a punk, Brandon Jacobs is a punk, and the ringmaster of this circus that shows flashes of greatness and then tumbles like a rocky mountain avalanche, Tom Coughlin, is the closest thing to a punk a coach can be. Add Tiki Barber to my list of famous New York Giant punks.
Let’s re-examine the turn of events, which I have dubbed TikiGate in an attempt at sensationalistic journalism. Tiki threw the first punch, Eli fired back, then Tiki got his feelings hurt because someone questioned his “question proof heart.” Hold on for a second Mr. Barber, I think you missed something.
He didn’t call out Eli Manning with his comments. He called out Eli Manning’s leadership, and as a quarterback in the National Football League, Eli Manning’s leadership has as much or more diplomatic immunity as Tiki Barber’s heart. This aspect of the story was never really covered. Many would agree that quarterback is the most talked about, the most publicized, the most hyped and the hardest position to play, if not in all sports, at least in football. These guys face press conference after press conference that can range from a friendly roast like atmosphere to a target at a shooting range. And that is off the field. But rarely does any member of the media have the guts to ask, write, speak or print any question of a young quarterback’s leadership, especially if his last name is Manning. For me, on this occasion Mr. Barber over stepped his bounds and perhaps it took Manning leading this band of misfit punks to a 6 and 2 start to make me realize that Tiki Barber’s heart might not stand toe to toe with Manning’s leadership for 9 rounds. After all, Manning is still playing, and while heart and passion for the game don’t exactly go hand in hand, it is still a pretty close relationship. Manning’s leadership wins by TKO in the 5th round after Barber’s heart escapes to its’ backstage makeup chair.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Planet is Trying to Kill us!! Save Yourself!!
Some say truth in advertising sells your product. Others say sensationalism in advertising sells your product. Still others point to the concrete evidence that furry talking animals in Collegiate team hooded sweatshirts in advertising best sells your product. And yet still others insist that there is somehow proof in my pudding, yet this has yet to be confirmed. Pudding aside I think there is something to be said for all of the first three comments. The truth campaign against smoking has seemed to have a positive effect on the social perception of tobacco companies and legislature who continue to ban smoking inside public places including clubs and bars.
Way to go California, I can finally have a drink without coming home smelling like I spent all night at a pig roast.
Yet Budweiser and Coors alike move millions of units a year on the perception that if you drink a bitter tasting brown liquid that gorgeous women will flock to your doorstep and shake various parts of their perfect bodies like in a Jay-Z video. Even the national fire service has used the furry, yet strangely intimidating, Smokey the Bear routine to curb wild fires for the past 60 plus years.
So this is my question for Green Peace and the rest of the “Save the Planet” nation. Between truth, sensationalism, and cute furry animals your best effort is…Al Gore?
I learned in high school that people talented or passionate about their particular cause are not always the best people to promote it. My first martial arts teacher may be one of the premiere martial artists in the world and probably one the easiest people to learn from, but his meager business savvy kept the growth of his school at a snails pace for years. I believe the same to be true of the marketing people behind such brilliant earthly campaigns as Save the Whales. The Whales? I know we have to start somewhere but to choose a creature most people have never been able to catch a glimpse of may not have been the best choice. Albeit they did need saving in 1977 when the campaign started, and still need saving today, I just feel that we just could have done better than…whales.
First of all whales aren’t furry. Not even a little bit. They are not cute, and after bible stories of Jonah being swallowed by one, my moniker has been keep the damn whales the hell away from me.
The bigger problem is that in a self obsessed world no one really cares about whales. Or dolphins, or manatees, or certain species of mussels. People care about themselves, and as much as I love the idea of “Save the Planet” I have realized people really don’t care about that either. People will continue to burn fossil fuels in monstrously large vehicles, burn coal and oil in power plants and dump toxic wastes into rivers and streams. It is obvious that more needs to be done before people will be interested in saving something so insignificant as our planet.
The motto of the current movement has been “unless we change our ways” our future is looking grim. That's more like it, just what we need. A little fire and brimstone to get people to pay attention. Churches across the globe have been doing it for years, scaring us into hard uncomfortable benches week after week, handing over wads of cash for them to build more statues in marble and decorate their churches with elaborate nativity scenes at Christmas. It’s time for nature’s image to get a major facelift.
Whether or not we as humans are drastically causing climate change is irrelevant. I know cavemen at the end of our last ice age were sure that smoke from their campfires turned their comfortable frozen island into a flower shirted tourist destination wasteland. Nevertheless the climate is changing and so should her image. It’s a very simple three step process.
TRUTH – Unless we change, this world will be uninhabitable. Forget shopping malls and movie theatres. The deserts will spread, the seas will rise and fresh water will be rationed off like donuts at a fat camp.
SENSATIONALISM – Use energy saving light bulbs and gorgeous women in skimpy bikinis will be knocking your door down as P Diddy drives up in the Diet Pepsi truck just in time to party!!
FURRY ANIMAL – An endangered animal that is cute and cuddly yet slightly intimidating is the Polar Bear. They have sold Coca-Cola every Christmas since I can remember. I’m sure they’ll change allegiance if the endorsement contract is right.
It’s time for action environmentalists. Let’s put away the slide projector and Nobel Prize winning ex-Vice Presidents and save this earth while it still can be saved. Because if we don’t a giant volcano will erupt boiling the seas as lighting scorches the earth at every corner. Scared yet?
Way to go California, I can finally have a drink without coming home smelling like I spent all night at a pig roast.
Yet Budweiser and Coors alike move millions of units a year on the perception that if you drink a bitter tasting brown liquid that gorgeous women will flock to your doorstep and shake various parts of their perfect bodies like in a Jay-Z video. Even the national fire service has used the furry, yet strangely intimidating, Smokey the Bear routine to curb wild fires for the past 60 plus years.
So this is my question for Green Peace and the rest of the “Save the Planet” nation. Between truth, sensationalism, and cute furry animals your best effort is…Al Gore?
I learned in high school that people talented or passionate about their particular cause are not always the best people to promote it. My first martial arts teacher may be one of the premiere martial artists in the world and probably one the easiest people to learn from, but his meager business savvy kept the growth of his school at a snails pace for years. I believe the same to be true of the marketing people behind such brilliant earthly campaigns as Save the Whales. The Whales? I know we have to start somewhere but to choose a creature most people have never been able to catch a glimpse of may not have been the best choice. Albeit they did need saving in 1977 when the campaign started, and still need saving today, I just feel that we just could have done better than…whales.
First of all whales aren’t furry. Not even a little bit. They are not cute, and after bible stories of Jonah being swallowed by one, my moniker has been keep the damn whales the hell away from me.
The bigger problem is that in a self obsessed world no one really cares about whales. Or dolphins, or manatees, or certain species of mussels. People care about themselves, and as much as I love the idea of “Save the Planet” I have realized people really don’t care about that either. People will continue to burn fossil fuels in monstrously large vehicles, burn coal and oil in power plants and dump toxic wastes into rivers and streams. It is obvious that more needs to be done before people will be interested in saving something so insignificant as our planet.
The motto of the current movement has been “unless we change our ways” our future is looking grim. That's more like it, just what we need. A little fire and brimstone to get people to pay attention. Churches across the globe have been doing it for years, scaring us into hard uncomfortable benches week after week, handing over wads of cash for them to build more statues in marble and decorate their churches with elaborate nativity scenes at Christmas. It’s time for nature’s image to get a major facelift.
Whether or not we as humans are drastically causing climate change is irrelevant. I know cavemen at the end of our last ice age were sure that smoke from their campfires turned their comfortable frozen island into a flower shirted tourist destination wasteland. Nevertheless the climate is changing and so should her image. It’s a very simple three step process.
TRUTH – Unless we change, this world will be uninhabitable. Forget shopping malls and movie theatres. The deserts will spread, the seas will rise and fresh water will be rationed off like donuts at a fat camp.
SENSATIONALISM – Use energy saving light bulbs and gorgeous women in skimpy bikinis will be knocking your door down as P Diddy drives up in the Diet Pepsi truck just in time to party!!
FURRY ANIMAL – An endangered animal that is cute and cuddly yet slightly intimidating is the Polar Bear. They have sold Coca-Cola every Christmas since I can remember. I’m sure they’ll change allegiance if the endorsement contract is right.
It’s time for action environmentalists. Let’s put away the slide projector and Nobel Prize winning ex-Vice Presidents and save this earth while it still can be saved. Because if we don’t a giant volcano will erupt boiling the seas as lighting scorches the earth at every corner. Scared yet?
Generation "I"dentity Crisis
I am a proud child of Generation X. Or is it Generation Y, or the MTV generation? What ever Generation I belong to I’m sure I’m proud of being so. But maybe my Generational identity crisis is less to do with my ignorance and more to do with the perpetual motion of the world around me these days. It seems like a new generation emerges every 8 to 10 years, when ever the terms attached to the previous Generation become stale in the ever evolving social vernacular. How is it that my mother and my aunt can both be considered baby boomers with a 16 year age difference, and yet my youngest brother, only 5 years my junior, is firmly planted in the Y to my X. What have we missed here?
I’m not sure the point I’m trying to make here. Maybe in our politically and socially correct society, vocabulary and terminology have to change so quickly to keep up with social unrest (and whiny people) that those of us in groups affected by such never ending change are not sure where they belong anymore. Does a disabled person know that through the miracles of modern language that they have been suddenly upgraded from crippled to disabled to physically challenged. Give it another couple of years and you’ll be running the 40 in 5.4 seconds.
Again, I’m not sure my point. All I know is that at a time when the dictionary is going through more rewrites than the Harry Potter Novels ever did, I am losing ground. I have owned my dictionary since the 5th grade. Which means more than anything I am consfused. Another card carrying member or generation Identity Crisis. Totally an udderly confused. But thanks to the latest version of Webster’s for a new generation (which has yet to be named) I am only “slightly unclear.”
I’m not sure the point I’m trying to make here. Maybe in our politically and socially correct society, vocabulary and terminology have to change so quickly to keep up with social unrest (and whiny people) that those of us in groups affected by such never ending change are not sure where they belong anymore. Does a disabled person know that through the miracles of modern language that they have been suddenly upgraded from crippled to disabled to physically challenged. Give it another couple of years and you’ll be running the 40 in 5.4 seconds.
Again, I’m not sure my point. All I know is that at a time when the dictionary is going through more rewrites than the Harry Potter Novels ever did, I am losing ground. I have owned my dictionary since the 5th grade. Which means more than anything I am consfused. Another card carrying member or generation Identity Crisis. Totally an udderly confused. But thanks to the latest version of Webster’s for a new generation (which has yet to be named) I am only “slightly unclear.”
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The First Blog of Many to Come
My first blog. As insanely nerve racking as some of the most intense moments of my life have been (i.e skydiving, marriage, divorce, climbing K-2) writing my first blog for millions of web browsers to happen upon and stick around long enough to get past the mis-spelling and mis-placed hyphens, I realize that…it really isn’t that big of a deal.
Compared to the previous list of “things I haven’t actually done in my life” from the preceding paragraph, preparing this blog doesn’t really offer the same danger, risk or possible insurance settlement. Then again, I am just guessing, being that I’ve never done any of those things mentioned.
I’m sure this leaves folks with a couple questions I don’t really feel like answering. What I will discuss is my sudden interest in spilling out the contents of my brain in no particular order onto, as we called it in the 90s, the World Wide Web.
I must admit for the longest time I hated blogs, blog sites, bloggers and words that even remotely rhymed with donut. It had nothing to do with anyone that blogged or some long standing feud with the information super highway. No, the evil behind my hatred for what I now have come to embrace was the anti-Christ himself, Caron Daly. Well him, and the creator of the lame segment on his show “Do Your Parents Know What a Blog Is?” You guessed it, during this riveting bit of television Carson would call onto stage a low level member of his staff (PA or Intern who by the way, were usually more charismatic, charming and funnier than he is) and had them call their parents to ask them if they knew what a blog was. The parents would say, “No I don’t,” and Carson would laugh and then would try to adlib as the American audience simultaneously threw bricks at their TVs for being subjected to something so completely un-entertaining.
So I am here online to publicly apologize to members of the blogging world for comments I may or may not have made regarding your lifestyle, mother’s hairdo, brother’s sexual preference or your own choice of hats. As of this posting I am officially one of you. I just hope you hate Carson for putting us all through this awkward situation.
Compared to the previous list of “things I haven’t actually done in my life” from the preceding paragraph, preparing this blog doesn’t really offer the same danger, risk or possible insurance settlement. Then again, I am just guessing, being that I’ve never done any of those things mentioned.
I’m sure this leaves folks with a couple questions I don’t really feel like answering. What I will discuss is my sudden interest in spilling out the contents of my brain in no particular order onto, as we called it in the 90s, the World Wide Web.
I must admit for the longest time I hated blogs, blog sites, bloggers and words that even remotely rhymed with donut. It had nothing to do with anyone that blogged or some long standing feud with the information super highway. No, the evil behind my hatred for what I now have come to embrace was the anti-Christ himself, Caron Daly. Well him, and the creator of the lame segment on his show “Do Your Parents Know What a Blog Is?” You guessed it, during this riveting bit of television Carson would call onto stage a low level member of his staff (PA or Intern who by the way, were usually more charismatic, charming and funnier than he is) and had them call their parents to ask them if they knew what a blog was. The parents would say, “No I don’t,” and Carson would laugh and then would try to adlib as the American audience simultaneously threw bricks at their TVs for being subjected to something so completely un-entertaining.
So I am here online to publicly apologize to members of the blogging world for comments I may or may not have made regarding your lifestyle, mother’s hairdo, brother’s sexual preference or your own choice of hats. As of this posting I am officially one of you. I just hope you hate Carson for putting us all through this awkward situation.
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