The Planet is Trying to Kill us!! Save Yourself!!

Some say truth in advertising sells your product. Others say sensationalism in advertising sells your product. Still others point to the concrete evidence that furry talking animals in Collegiate team hooded sweatshirts in advertising best sells your product. And yet still others insist that there is somehow proof in my pudding, yet this has yet to be confirmed. Pudding aside I think there is something to be said for all of the first three comments. The truth campaign against smoking has seemed to have a positive effect on the social perception of tobacco companies and legislature who continue to ban smoking inside public places including clubs and bars.

Way to go California, I can finally have a drink without coming home smelling like I spent all night at a pig roast.

Yet Budweiser and Coors alike move millions of units a year on the perception that if you drink a bitter tasting brown liquid that gorgeous women will flock to your doorstep and shake various parts of their perfect bodies like in a Jay-Z video. Even the national fire service has used the furry, yet strangely intimidating, Smokey the Bear routine to curb wild fires for the past 60 plus years.

So this is my question for Green Peace and the rest of the “Save the Planet” nation. Between truth, sensationalism, and cute furry animals your best effort is…Al Gore?

I learned in high school that people talented or passionate about their particular cause are not always the best people to promote it. My first martial arts teacher may be one of the premiere martial artists in the world and probably one the easiest people to learn from, but his meager business savvy kept the growth of his school at a snails pace for years. I believe the same to be true of the marketing people behind such brilliant earthly campaigns as Save the Whales. The Whales? I know we have to start somewhere but to choose a creature most people have never been able to catch a glimpse of may not have been the best choice. Albeit they did need saving in 1977 when the campaign started, and still need saving today, I just feel that we just could have done better than…whales.

First of all whales aren’t furry. Not even a little bit. They are not cute, and after bible stories of Jonah being swallowed by one, my moniker has been keep the damn whales the hell away from me.

The bigger problem is that in a self obsessed world no one really cares about whales. Or dolphins, or manatees, or certain species of mussels. People care about themselves, and as much as I love the idea of “Save the Planet” I have realized people really don’t care about that either. People will continue to burn fossil fuels in monstrously large vehicles, burn coal and oil in power plants and dump toxic wastes into rivers and streams. It is obvious that more needs to be done before people will be interested in saving something so insignificant as our planet.

The motto of the current movement has been “unless we change our ways” our future is looking grim. That's more like it, just what we need. A little fire and brimstone to get people to pay attention. Churches across the globe have been doing it for years, scaring us into hard uncomfortable benches week after week, handing over wads of cash for them to build more statues in marble and decorate their churches with elaborate nativity scenes at Christmas. It’s time for nature’s image to get a major facelift.

Whether or not we as humans are drastically causing climate change is irrelevant. I know cavemen at the end of our last ice age were sure that smoke from their campfires turned their comfortable frozen island into a flower shirted tourist destination wasteland. Nevertheless the climate is changing and so should her image. It’s a very simple three step process.
TRUTH – Unless we change, this world will be uninhabitable. Forget shopping malls and movie theatres. The deserts will spread, the seas will rise and fresh water will be rationed off like donuts at a fat camp.
SENSATIONALISM – Use energy saving light bulbs and gorgeous women in skimpy bikinis will be knocking your door down as P Diddy drives up in the Diet Pepsi truck just in time to party!!
FURRY ANIMAL – An endangered animal that is cute and cuddly yet slightly intimidating is the Polar Bear. They have sold Coca-Cola every Christmas since I can remember. I’m sure they’ll change allegiance if the endorsement contract is right.

It’s time for action environmentalists. Let’s put away the slide projector and Nobel Prize winning ex-Vice Presidents and save this earth while it still can be saved. Because if we don’t a giant volcano will erupt boiling the seas as lighting scorches the earth at every corner. Scared yet?